Separation from friends and family by large geographical distances and time zones and being confronted by a new language and culture often result in acute stress for all the family members, including the children. Naturally, the personality and the developmental stage will vary from one child to another. Their individual needs, preferences, openness, stress resistance, and coping skills will differ. But there are challenges to be met by even the most flexible of children.

Let us not forget that a move involves more than just changing schools; there are new systems in place and other learning styles. On top of that comes the total loss of reference for the child and the loss of friends.

When moving abroad, this is topped by the challenges of learning a foreign language, a new cultural environment, and moving into a dwelling that is not yet a home. During a period when the child is searching for his or her own identity, it is not uncommon to see the child react in his or her own individual way to these multiple changes.

Children express unresolved grief with anger, a sense of helplessness, and plain resentment. Another observed behaviour is an extreme passive attitude toward the move and the new cultural environment. Some children, driven by fear of remaining an outsider, urgently want to "put themselves on the map," and end up being perceived as difficult or even hyperactive.

Children may feel hesitant to discuss their struggles with their parents, either out of concern over adding another problem onto the shoulders of their parents who are juggling many issues as it is, or because of initial denial of potential problems expressed by the parents prior to the move.

Intercultural training addresses some of these aspects, but tends to be designed for adults, not only in methodology, but also through a focus on the business culture and daily life issues in the host country.

Corporations that have "sustainability" in mind with their expatriate mobility policies typically offer training for the "mini" expatriates. These programmes go beyond allowing the children to sit in on the parents' day, by offering an age-appropriate designed programme that is facilitated at the home or at a hotel.

The programme typically fits children between the ages of six to 11, pre-teens, and teens. The programme must be adapted to meet their age-specific needs and learning styles as well. The limited life experience of the children makes it harder to understand abstract notions of change management and cultural differences. The facilitator can put move-related concerns into perspective with concrete examples, tangible facts, and appropriate actions.

Although this German family was offered destination services, and the spouse and children received private language instruction, the move from Dresden, Germany, to upstate New York caused the family considerable problems. Their pre-teen daughter was reluctant to move and preferred to stay behind with the grandparents.

In the beginning of training, the girl mentioned that she loved horses. While preparing for the programme, the trainer found a horse farm with stables in the town where the family was going to live, introduced the child to books and magazines through the town's library Internet portal, and identified great online translator.

This concrete approach, made "life over there" more tangible; the girl not only felt more in control through self-help, which boosted her confidence, but it unleashed her action planning and problem-solving skills.

Apart from the above-mentioned hands-on example, the training should provide country-specific information, strive to raise cultural awareness, examine stereotypes, and explore the adaptation cycle.

A children's transition programme should have a coaching style designed to encourage the children to become actively involved and promote personal reflection. The ultimate aim is to have the participant gain a sense of mastery that helps to ease the transition period. This is achieved by a methodology mix, which can include many interactive elements such as role-plays, assignments, and multimedia and Internet projects.

Using art as a carrier of expression helps with self-reflection, but also to project their associations about the upcoming move.

With parents' and company consent, it is recommended to include outdoor activities, such as a topic-related treasure hunt, or a luncheon in a typical local restaurant, if the training is being conducted in the host country.

One effective programme follows four phases:

• Phase one looks at the identity of the children and how they define themselves.
• Phase two addresses on preparations, saying goodbye, and making new friends.
• Phase three focuses on dealing with change, diversity, and culture shock.
• Phase four concerns repatriation or onward journey.

Most often, one of the parents stays in the sessions for the first 30 minutes to make sure the child is comfortable. A toy figure (or other object) that assumes the role of an alter ego is a very effective "interpreter" during the initial communication between trainer and child. Other children who have moved abroad are valuable resources and are accepted authorities in the eyes of the children; here a trainer can be the liaison between the children.

The personal interaction between trainer and the children is a constant factor during the whole programme. Another important element of the programme is a debriefing, where a synopsis of the programme, observations, and recommendations are discussed in a feedback session with the parents.

The children's programme brings new directions to the internal communication structures of the family and allows the child to focus on designing and implementing his or her own personal action plan to master this unique period.

When choosing a move preparation services provider, seek one who can offer the training on location, as most often problems arise after the move that require action in the host country.

Clearly, offering training for expatriate children may not be feasible for all corporations, so HR managers may want to consider the "help you help yourself" option by offering the parents tools, such as books or videotapes.

For mobile children, the Internet has become an important tool for children wishing to stay in touch, search for relevant information, and sharing experiences. Web sites that offer country-specific fun activities for children and information for parents can be found easily.

Employers wishing to increase the likelihood of a successful expatriate assignment cannot over estimate the importance of family adjustment. Increasingly programmes are available that equip employers to meet the needs of children accompanying their parents on assignment. By tapping into resources ranging from readily available self-help resources to structured professional training programmes, HR practitioners can contribute to their organizations’ global success by providing expatriate families with the support they need to adjust well while on expatriate assignment.

March 2004

Hilly van Swol-Ulbrich is managing partner at CONSULTus Germany, Hofheim am Taunus, Germany. She can be reached at seminars@CONSULTus.net.

Adapted from the article "Transitioning Children Abroad" published by Worldwide ERC in the April 2003 issue of MOBILITY magazine.