Another step in helping expats deal with global mobility was taken in Antwerp when celebrated 'expat expert' author Robin Pascoe delivered two presentations.

Some 30 parents attended the talk on 'A Moveable Marriage' on the morning of 21 March and 100 parents gathered for the 'Raising Global Nomads' seminar in the evening.

Organiser and Australian expat Ruth Buckmaster was inspired to arrange the talks due to a lack of awareness she noticed among some expats of the "TCK's world of websites, literature and experts".

Accordingly, she says the talks — hosted by the American Women's Club of Antwerp and the Antwerp International School Parent Teacher Organisation — met with "fabulous" feedback.

"We bubble wrap possessions when we move, but give no thought to our relationships," she says, adding that many expats have little idea what to expect and scarcely prepare for what they will encounter.

'Exhilarating'

One expat mother who travelled frequently as a child and never encountered the 'expat literature' recounts how she "found herself" after Pascoe's presentations.

Describing the evening presentation as "exhilarating", the expat mother says she never realised how much "emotional baggage" she was carrying around after a childhood spent in four languages and constantly having to say goodbye.

"It was just a revelation of how much children change and can accept different circumstances," she says.

Though she always thought of her expat childhood as a positive experience, the woman now plans to ask more questions to her children as she continues to move around the globe.

"We always involve them in changes we make, but we would perhaps try and understand a little more how it is affecting them," she says.

Turning her attention to Pascoe's books, the expat says it is refreshing to see that other people are thinking the same thoughts: "She is putting inside a cover what we all think and don't dare to say or divulge".

New awareness

Dual Canadian-British national Ruth Drewitt, 31, also discovered Pascoe's words of advice this week — a year after she relocated to Antwerp with her British-born husband.
 
Both of them read various expat resources before relocating from Canada, but much of the literature was practical advice such as how to find a job and offered no insight on how to cope as a trailing spouse or the transition to becoming a stay-at-home mother.

She was thus reassured by Pascoe that there are other young mothers in the same situation.

But Drewitt says it also dawned on her this week that her excitement of going back 'home' to Canada in more than four years time will be different for her daughter, currently aged two and a half. For her daughter, Antwerp is home, Drewitt explains.

Denying the challenges

Agreeing that her talks were a "revelation" for many adult Third Culture Kids (TCKs) in the audience, author Pascoe is not surprised by the lack of awareness.

She warns that despite the wealth of literature "there is still an extraordinary amount of denial" about the challenges of expat life.

Pascoe says some people don't want to recognise looming challenges, such as those presented by repatriation.

"They don't want to think about going home because it is scary. They also don't want to address challenges in a relationship because expat communities are very small, like villages, where everyone knows everyone's problems," she says.

But reading literature "does not mean you are having problems". It is instead about avoiding problems.

A pro-active approach

Pascoe says there are a lot of issues in the expat community that people don't want to discuss, such as substance and alcohol abuse or domestic violence.

But she says children are a safe subject and her forthcoming book 'Raising Global Nomads' will address this issue in greater depth.

One of the main messages Pascoe stresses is that parents simply need to make their children feel loved and protected.

"You need to be more pro-active when you are moving them around and be more on the look-out. Children are the silent partner in relocation," she says.

But she also warns against over-parenting: "Expat parents have to find a balance. They just need to talk. Home is where the parents are. They just need to be aware of the unique challenges".

However, Pascoe also stresses the positives of global mobility, such as developing great tolerance and being open to change.

"It is a wonderful experience. They turn out to be great children, so don't fret. But it won't happen by accident. You as a parent must be forever vigilant as to how they develop in this uniquely enriched environment."

Spreading the word

Highly critical of companies in the past, Pascoe still urges for an improved work-life balance, particularly among working men.

The trick is in raising awareness and Pascoe is encouraged by "enlightened" schools and parent-teacher associations that are hosting seminars by herself and other 'experts' such as Ruth van Reken or Jo Parfitt.

"It's a hard message to get out due to resistance at both ends. Schools and companies may not want to pay and parents don't want to admit a problem," she says.

Having helped raise awareness for the past 20 years, Pascoe is also trying to mentor younger people to carry the beacon.

Her experience helps in focusing on what parents need to hear and she is positive about the availability of literature, either through expat websites or sites such as Amazon.

"It is not for a lack of literature. We just have to point it out and say that it's okay to read it," she says, adding that at the end of the day, it is the responsibility of parents to take charge of their own life.

Robin Pascoe's website can be found at www.expatexpert.com.

22 March 2006

[Copyright Expatica 2006]

Subject: Expat resources, Robin Pascoe, expat problems